Body Love. Pool.

Half way through the 31 day project. To celebrate I thought I would take some fabulous swimming photos. Unfortunately it just felt too risky to set my camera up on a tripod on the side of a pool full of boisterous little boys. And there was no way I was going to hand my phone over to a sopping wet child and ask him to take a picture. So I was left with a post swim dressing room selfie. I love swimming. I was involved in a community swim team in junior high and was a lifeguard in high school. Being in the water feels natural and comfortable; floating, spinning, and kicking through the water as if flying through space. I really enjoy swimming laps, something that doesn’t happen often because I have 3 little boys, two of whom cannot swim independently. But when I have someone else at the pool with me, another adult who will help my kids for a few minutes I love to try out my favorite strokes for a few laps. With as much as I enjoy swimming you would think I would love going to the pool. I don’t. We go once a week and every time I wish I didn’t have to go. Changing into a swimsuit and walking from the dressing room to the pool is horribly uncomfortable. I know my body and love my body, but this simple walk is hard. I can walk onto a beach without near the anxiety, but the pool has people I know from other places. I feel so exposed. Part of it might be because I do not own a swimsuit that I love, one that supports my figure. Part of it is the way my mind and everyone’s has been taught to find bodies that aren’t perky and perfect to be unworthy. Despite my feelings, every week, I do it anyway and I am always glad that I did. As soon as I slip into the water and move I forget to be self-conscious and focus on the joy of just being.

October 15: Today I feel strong, I swam laps with a two year old on my back, I pushed passed feeling awkward to do something I love, and I will keep pushing past it until one day it isn’t uncomfortable anymore.

 

Frugal Self-Care Today: I asked my husband to do the dishes after dinner so I could write this and get to bed early!